A framework for our children: tips for defining it well

18 September, 2018

Supervision of children

Whether we are parents or teachers, we have all heard time and time again about the supervision of children. This one can sometimes seem boring and negative and maybe that's why some overlook it. And yet! The framework is the basis of the construction of the bond that we have with the children. The framework also increases the chances of success and the feeling of security of our cocos. Not nothing, is it?

The adult-guardian

To understand and illustrate the role of the parent or teacher with children, I thought I would show you this one with a particular image. Have a stake in mind, the very one we use to properly grow and support our plants and trees. Now imagine yourself in the role of this guardian and your child in the role of the tree. The place chosen to plant the stake is very important. The latter should not be placed too close to the tree or too far away. It must be perfectly placed so as not to interfere with its growth, while providing support to grow straight and not let it collapse in bad weather.

The role of the adult with the child is very similar to that of the guardian. Placed too close to their child, the parent risks suffocating them, preventing them from developing, trying new things and developing their confidence. Placed too far, the child risks developing insecurity, because even if he enjoys greater freedom, he does not know how far he can go since the established limits are fuzzy and unclear. In this case, the adult sometimes seeks to become the child's friend or does not want to displease or frustrate him and therefore makes a lot of compromises. This often leads to disorganization and disoriented children. Instead, when the parent is placed just close enough to him, the child will feel supported, safe and this is how he will develop and explore in a healthy way. He thus feels watched, but with a certain flexibility. The adult ensures consistency and constancy in the relationship. Yes, the child sometimes experiences frustrations, but these are reassuring, because a “no” sets a limit. Saying "no" to a child does not mean that you don't love him, quite the contrary. Furthermore, although this tutor is smaller in infancy, it will become large as the child grows older and will serve as a support and presence as the child enters their teenage years and into their adult life.

Framing our works of art and... our children!

Another image that speaks to me and that I have already heard from a colleague is the frame itself. At home, we choose pretty photos and pictures and frame them to show them off. Let's imagine the same thing with our child. It is precious to us, beautiful and it also deserves to be framed. Without a frame, he is lost and risks being disoriented.

How do I properly establish my framework?

When the framework is well defined in a family (or in a class), the adult/child relationship is less difficult, healthier, easier, because the child is aware of what is expected of him. It allows the latter to better relate to others and to behave better with his peers. Self-esteem and the feeling of security are also favored. The frame makes it possible to establish a more stable bond and brings softness into the house , because the children know what to expect and try less to constantly push (and test!) the limits of the adult. To properly establish a framework, here are the 5 “Cs” to respect:
  • Clear rules; make sure that the words used are well understood by the child.
  • Constant rules; stay firm and always apply a rule in the same way, despite emotions and fatigue (we encourage each other, because it's not always easy!).
  • Concrete rules; state the desired behavior.
  • Consistent rules; go in the same direction as what you ask your child. Be a model in your attitudes and your words. Let's look at us!
  • Consequent rules; Apply consequences (positive or negative) related to the child's behavior. It is good that the consequences are known to the child.

Fashions and currents pass in education, but I believe that these rules are timeless and stand the test of time. They will all be just as relevant in 50 years.

To organize the little disorganized

It is difficult for the little ones to find their bearings in time and to understand concretely what 10 minutes represent, for example. What's the point of repeating that there are so many minutes left to finish a meal, at bath time or before bedtime if your child has no idea what a minute really is? It is in this perspective that visual cues take on their full importance, with the use, for example, of a Time Timer which will clearly indicate to the child the time that is passing.

I expect to...

Life goes fast, fast, fast! Our schedules are busy and our heads are often full of 1001 things. It's often in the face of an unpleasant or irritating situation that we realize that we haven't taken the time to set our guidelines and clearly establish our expectations. It is therefore important to take the time to rehearse, show and model our expectations if necessary. And then, of course, to be consistent with them. So, if your child exhibits inappropriate behavior and a consequence is applied, chances are it won't happen again next time, because children usually have a good memory. Imagine the reverse scenario. The parent states their expectations clearly and the child does not live up to them. The parent repeatedly threatens him with a consequence, but does not enforce it. In the end, nothing happens. What is the message received from the child? That no matter what he does or behaves like, it's not that bad, because it won't have any consequences in the end. On this too, children have a long memory!

Want to establish a better defined framework? Give it a try and you will quickly realize how beneficial this one is for everyone. This promotes happy children and healthy relationships while fostering bonding. And this precious bond is not to be neglected when you know that it allows you to feel loved, secure, worthy of affection, and that it will allow you to have a positive perception of others and to live full of new experiences.

Are you looking for a concrete tool to help you respect the established framework? Discover our behavior scale!