A framework for our children: tips for defining it well

Childcare

Whether we are parents or teachers, we have all heard time and time again about child supervision. It can sometimes seem boring and negative and that is perhaps why some people neglect it. And yet! The framework is the basis for building the bond we have with children. The framework also increases the chances of success and the feeling of security of our little ones. Not nothing, right?

The adult guardian

To better understand and illustrate the role of the parent or teacher with children, I thought I would demonstrate it to you with a particular image. Have in mind a stake, the same one that we use to grow and support our plants and trees. Now imagine yourself in the role of this stake and your child in the role of the tree. The place chosen to plant the stake is very important. The latter must be placed neither too close to the tree nor too far away. It must be perfectly placed so as not to hinder its growth, while providing it with support to grow straight and not let it collapse in bad weather.

The role of the adult with the child is very similar to that of the guardian. Placed too close to his child, the parent risks smothering him, preventing him from blossoming, trying new things and developing his confidence. Placed too far away, the child risks developing insecurity, because even if he enjoys greater freedom, he does not know how far he can go since the limits established are vague and unclear. In this case, the adult sometimes seeks to become the child's friend or does not want to displease or frustrate him and therefore makes a lot of compromises. This often leads to disorganization and disoriented children. When the parent is placed just close enough, the child will feel supervised, safe and this is how he will develop and explore in a healthy way. He thus feels supervised, but with a certain flexibility. The adult ensures coherence and consistency in the relationship. Yes, the child sometimes experiences frustrations, but these are reassuring, because a "no" establishes a limit. Saying "no" to a child does not mean that we do not love him, quite the contrary. Furthermore, although this guardian is smaller in early childhood, he will become large when the child gets older and will serve as support and presence when the child enters adolescence and adulthood.

Framing our works of art and... our children!

Another image that speaks to me and that I have already heard from a colleague is the frame itself. At home, we choose pretty photos and beautiful images and we frame them to highlight them. Let's imagine the same thing with our child. He is precious to us, beautiful and he also deserves to be framed. Without a frame, he is lost and risks being disoriented.

How do I set up my framework correctly?

• Clear rules; make sure the words used are well understood by the child.
• Consistent rules; stay firm and always apply a rule in the same way, despite emotions and fatigue (we encourage each other, because it is not always easy!).
• Concrete rules; state the desired behavior.
• Consistent rules; go in the same direction as what you ask of your child. Be a role model in your attitudes and words. Let's look at ourselves!
• Consequential rules; apply consequences (positive or negative) related to the child's behavior. It is good that the consequences are known to the child.

Fashions and trends come and go in education, but I believe that these rules are timeless and will stand the test of time. They will therefore be just as relevant in 50 years.

To organize the little disorganized ones

It is difficult for little ones to get their bearings in time and to understand concretely what 10 minutes represents, for example. What is the point of repeating that there are so many minutes left to finish a meal, at bath time or before bedtime if your child has no idea what a minute actually represents? This is where visual cues take on their full importance, with the use for example of a Time Timer which will clearly indicate to the child the time passing.

I expect...

Life goes fast, fast, fast! Our schedules are busy and our heads are often full of 1001 things. It is often when faced with an unpleasant or irritating situation that we realize that we have not taken the time to set our guidelines and establish our expectations, clearly. It is therefore important to take the time to repeat, show and model our expectations if necessary. And then, of course, to be consistent with them. So, if your child exhibits inappropriate behavior and a consequence is applied, there is a good chance that it will not happen again next time, because children usually have a good memory. Imagine the opposite scenario. The parent states their expectations clearly and the child does not respect them. The parent threatens them several times with a consequence, but does not apply it. In the end, nothing happens. What is the message received from the child? That no matter what he does or what behavior he adopts, it is not so serious, because it will not have any consequences in the end. On this too, children have long memories!

Want to establish a more defined framework? Try it and you will quickly realize how beneficial it is for everyone. It promotes fulfilled children and healthy relationships while promoting the bond of attachment. And this precious bond is not to be neglected when we know that it allows us to feel loved, safe, worthy of affection, and that it will allow us to have a positive perception of others and to live lots of new experiences.

Are you looking for a concrete tool to help you respect the established framework? Discover our behavior scale!

DISCOVER THE BEHAVIOR SCALE

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