Slow down, declutter, lighten up: for a gentler, stress-free family life

It seems to me that today, despite information and science, despite advances in health care, despite everything that makes our quality of life better in many ways than it was for previous generations, caring for our children, raising them and educating them is heavier and more stressful than ever. Parents and children alike are suffering more and more from anxiety.

And yet, it feels like everything is at our disposal to live this experience positively and healthily, doesn't it?

But no. Everything is just too much these days.

The modern family is buried in chaos. Everything moves too fast, and our homes are cluttered; it's often really hard not to snap under the stress and anxiety linked, closely or remotely, to that clutter. The pressure is enormous from every direction and, unfortunately, we often have so little energy (and time) left at the end of the day that we snap.

We snap. It feels like no child can take a fairly long car trip without a tablet hooked up in front of them. And of course it takes one for each child, heaven forbid there should be any squabbling! Those tablets are expensive. So we work more hours to pay for one, or we go a little deeper into debt. Stress.

We snap. It feels like our child will never eat anything, and reluctantly we buy them foods “made for kids,” usually super sugary, super packaged and rather pricey. We make sure to pick the one with their favourite TV character on it, otherwise… What if they didn't eat? Or worse, what if they threw a tantrum? Stress.

For all of life's annoyances, for all of our children's behaviours, there's a solution from outside of them, often tied to an object, food or an app.

As parents, we go into survival mode. We tell ourselves it will pass. We can't wait for our little glass of wine to unwind. It's heavy, regularly feeling like you're in flight mode, in survival mode.

What if we decided to reduce this chaos?

Six years ago now, by taking the path of practical minimalism and simplicity for my kids, my partner and me, we chose to greatly reduce the chaos of modern life. Even though we thought we were living simply at that point in our lives, despite my studies, my career and my commitment to the environment, it wasn't enough. I was fed up, with my first baby on my hip, of spending a big part of my day moving objects around the house. I had a deep desire to stay connected to my values despite the ups and downs that come with becoming a parent. Between the laundry, the toys, the dishes, the sheets, the paperwork and other humdrum knick-knacks that clutter our homes, I was sick of wasting my precious time, of realizing everything these objects could represent in terms of money and the time worked to earn that money, and then all the time spent picking up, organizing, cleaning, repairing and sorting all these objects. And we were living fairly simply!

I wanted to carry less on my shoulders. I wanted to make room for the role I was slowly getting to know: being a parent. I wanted to take my time doing it, to understand what it meant to me.

So I dove into a massive decluttering. Over the course of this purge, everything got lighter, little by little. By decluttering deeply, first the more harmless objects, then the things that were harder for me, I felt the effects in every area of my life. I realized how liberating it was to allow myself to say no, to let my intuition surface. We can't hear our intuition in the chaotic whirlwind of daily life.

I realized that not only did I not need all these things to live fully, but that we were actually much BETTER OFF without all these irritants blocking our path to calm, adventure and connection. Little by little, I realized that this approach helped protect my boys' childhood by giving them a less chaotic life.

I decided to live fully, to enjoy it, to feel good about our life choices. I decided to choose coherence, creativity, simplicity; so as not to snap under the pressure of modern parenting, to thumb my nose at this modern chaos that destroys human relationships, that makes us snap under stress and exhaustion, that alters our children's precious childhood and that, frankly, is destroying the planet. This breakneck speed, this consumption with eyes bigger than its stomach, this material comfort instead of human comfort: every day, I make a conscious and deliberate effort to say no to it. And I succeed, most of the time.

I chose calm over chaos.

I decluttered. I cut back. I rethought. I slowed down.

I do it every day. Because it's easy to forget why we do it. When we're tired or a bit overwhelmed. It's slippery at times.

Every day, I choose practical minimalism again. It lets me celebrate life's imperfections in all their splendour; celebrate the imperfection of things, bank on what truly matters.

I'm not talking here about which sweater is really more important to us than another. I'm talking about what matters: reducing stress, taking the time to create a family life we won't want to flee, rediscovering joy and pleasure in family life and not letting ordinary stress take over our daily lives.

What confirms and amplifies this daily choice for me?

• The solid reduction in stress and in the mental load that rests on parents (and a lot on moms, let's not kid ourselves)
• The joy we have as a family
• My children's overflowing creativity
• Their empathy, their natural cooperation; they're generally calmer, more grounded, more attentive than when we slide toward chaos. There are fewer meltdowns, more natural sharing and more solution-seeking.
• It lets me be a better human being. Not to become better than anyone else, simply to make room for the best in me, to understand myself, to heal myself, to grow.

When, in a moment of vulnerability, I start doubting myself, wondering whether we have enough money, whether our house is big enough, whether we're okay with our old car or whether my kids lack toys or clothes, I take a deep breath and I have my answer. We have more than enough. It's so easy to get distracted. I try to choose connection over distraction. I feel like I'm creating space in my children's heads and hearts for more curiosity, imagination and wonder. It helps me stay aligned.

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