Mom, Dad, reassure me: tips for fostering a child's sense of security
27 June, 2018
Security is defined by the feeling of being “safe from danger” and the satisfaction of maintaining a “confident and calm mind”: a simple definition that leaves us with a broad and imprecise interpretation. The notion of security can thus encompass several factors of a physical, psychological, financial, social, and emotional nature. Being part of a non-violent relationship and environment, having a roof over your head, and the certainty of being able to minimally feed yourself when needed, all fall under physical security. Our professional status, on the other hand, is a safety net that ensures financial security by giving us access to stability. Psychological security, for its part, could be translated as the absence of daily stress generated by a spontaneous or repetitive anxiety-provoking situation. In the presence of such a problem, the joy of being able to count on a trusted person to support us would rather fall under social and emotional security.
In a child, of course, security is not reflected in quite the same way. At least, that is not the case when their basic needs are met. Remember the time you scraped your knee falling off your bike, landing face down. You can probably recall that it was the kind encouragement of your parents or a significant adult that gave you the confidence to get back on the bike or to get back up, just a few minutes after suffering an injury you thought was "fatal." Although your memory focuses on the fall, the pain felt, or the fear, your feeling of security was first ensured by your attachment bond. You know, that automatic glance you cast at that adult once you fell to see their reaction? Yes, yes, exactly that look! It’s the approval that the emotional sphere seeks to regain confidence. Its role is very precious, especially at a young age.
It is therefore with your support that your children will feel "safe from danger" and will have a "confident and calm mind" to continue blindly exploring the world around them and will want to take risks without fearing too great consequences. Because they know they will be caught during their free fall. It is therefore important to moderate your reactions during your children's minor accidents so that they do not fear a second, or even a ninth attempt. Praise their attempt and encourage them to try again by suggesting you position yourself closer to them or be more alert if they don't feel entirely safe.
Conversely, it is necessary to avoid dramatizing a situation or attaching no importance to the feeling and difficulty experienced by the child. They will agree to try their luck again and take on the challenge only if they feel supported and encouraged by an important attachment figure in their eyes. Your challenge as a parent is therefore to respect your child's pace and need for support (or not). Some are very independent and want to learn alone, while others need to try with all the attention of their caregiver. And both ways of getting there are correct.
So take advantage of the good weather to go play on the playground equipment at the park, remove the training wheels from the bike or the floaties in the pool (under your supervision) and to strengthen your attachment bond with your children and grow their sense of security!
Would you like the chance to consult all the content published in the Magazine each month as a preview, and have access to our Toolbox including free downloads that are both practical and fun? Subscribe to the Belles Combines Magazine now!