Your young nephew visiting your home: ideas for activities
27 March, 2018
As an aunt, uncle, or grandparent, how can we manage children visiting our home? What is our role with them? What should our boundaries be? In fact, there is no single right answer. Depending on each of us, our upbringing, our values, and our temperament, our actions will differ. While we want to do our utmost to make children feel comfortable and enjoy spending time with us, we are sometimes caught off guard and don't quite know how to intervene. Of course, we are not the parents, and in no way are we there to disapprove of a child's actions who is not our own (at least, never in the child's presence!). This is where a certain discomfort sometimes arises, and we don't know how to discuss certain things without harming our relationships.
As an aunt, uncle, or grandparent, our relationship with children is often more focused on play, camaraderie, and interaction. So, even if enjoyment dominates, should I intervene when behavior deviates from established rules? The answer is yes, of course! However, we must not confuse roles. The "educational" aspect is usually the parent's role, but that doesn't mean we can't promote good habits. It is equally important for the child to witness different types of communication and approaches, which will help them gradually develop their personality, communication, and social skills. Since there's no magic solution, today I suggest some winning strategies to foster good interactions and help the child become familiar with various environments.
Winning strategies: RELATIONSHIPS
- Encourage the child to say please and thank you!
- Demonstrate harmonious relationships to the child; this will allow them to witness different types and kinds of relationships.
- Encourage the child to express themselves verbally through play (dolls, board games, blocks, etc.).
- Use interactive reading to discuss emotions and encourage conversation.
- Family rules ensure consistency in our interventions and show the child that adults discuss things together (for example: if the child cannot jump on beds or sofas at home, it would be preferable for the same rule to apply at your home). Of course, each family has its own rules; it's up to you to clarify everything with those concerned.
- Reduce screen time: screen use significantly stimulates the brain. The child receives a multitude of information (images, sounds, lights, movements), which creates an immersive effect. While some games and applications are appropriate, high screen exposure reduces all interaction with the surrounding world and often leads to information overload, which quickly manifests in the child and can cause anger, irritability, anxiety, sleep loss, and agitation.
- Avoid using punishment to the detriment of parents or other family members (for example: if you don't calm down, I'll call your father and he'll come get you). In fact, in such a situation, the child may perceive their father as the "bad guy." Furthermore, this threat of punishment is simply negative and has no direct link to the child's actions. Punishment rather leads to a feeling of anxiety and does not allow the child to understand that their action is unacceptable. The behavior will simply likely return later. It would therefore be preferable to allow for a period of calm and thus encourage the child to settle down (puzzles, reading, drawing, mandalas, soft music, relaxation).
- Ensure that logical consequences are used (related to the event). For example, if the child was impolite, there is no point in forbidding them from visiting a family member. However, it is important for the child to understand that their behavior is not appropriate. In a case where the child is rude to a family member, the consequence could be to repair their action by doing them a favor, for example.
- It is preferable to explain to the child that their words hurt us and that we do not accept them speaking to us that way. It is also possible for the child to receive a logical consequence: in case of impoliteness, for example, it may be appropriate to ask the child to make amends to the person concerned (drawing, doing something nice for them, apologizing).
- It is around 5-6 years old that the child understands the concept of the right to make mistakes. In fact, when we ask the child to apologize, they may do so because we asked them to. However, leading by example will allow the child to develop this skill more easily.
- It is important to know that the further away the consequence is in time, the less the child will be able to make the necessary connections and adjust their behavior.
- Reduce the quantity of sweets. Chocolate and sodas contain a certain amount of caffeine which can lead to agitation and less receptivity on the part of the child.
- Use dessert as a complement to the meal (fruits, compotes, yogurt). When the child doesn't want to eat the food on their plate, we are often tempted to negotiate: "eat a little more and you can have dessert." By insisting in this way, the child may feel that the food on their plate is less valuable than dessert.
Finally, there are no perfect parents, just as there are no perfect aunts, uncles, or grandparents. However, it is important for everyone to establish guidelines, which will help the child navigate better. By setting clear, distinct, and precise boundaries, the child will be less tempted to test the adult. Thus, interventions can remain more positive than negative. Our role is very important in the development of all kinds of skills; it remains only to trust our intuition. Finally, let's not forget that teamwork always remains a winning key!
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