Slow down, declutter, lighten up: for a gentler, stress-free family life

It seems to me that today, despite information and science, advancements in healthcare, everything that makes our quality of life superior in many ways compared to previous generations, taking care of our children, raising and educating them, is heavier and more stressful than ever. Both parents and children are suffering from increasing anxiety.

Yet, we have the impression that everything is at our disposal to live this experience positively and healthily, right?

But no. Everything is so too much today.

The modern family is crumbling under chaos. Everything moves too fast, and our homes are cluttered; it’s often really difficult not to break down under the stress and anxiety closely or remotely linked to this clutter. The pressure is enormous from all sides, and unfortunately, we often have so little energy (and time) left at the end of the day that we crack.

We crack. We have the impression that no child can take rather long car trips without a tablet glued in front of them. And of course, each child needs one, so there’s no fighting! These tablets are expensive. So we work more hours to afford one, or we go a little further into debt. Stress.

We crack. We have the impression that our child will never eat anything, and reluctantly we buy them "kid-friendly" foods, usually super sweet, super packaged, and rather expensive. We make sure to choose the one with their favorite TV character, otherwise... What if they didn't eat? Or worse, what if they threw a tantrum? Stress.

For all of life's inconveniences, for all our children's behaviors, there's an external solution, often linked to an object, food, or an app.

As parents, we go into survival mode. We tell ourselves it will pass. We look forward to our little wine to relax. It's hard to feel constantly in flight or survival mode.

What if we decided to reduce this chaos?

Six years ago, by adopting practical minimalism and simplicity for my children, my partner, and myself, we chose to significantly reduce modern chaos. Despite the fact that we thought we were living simply at that point in our lives, despite my studies, my career, and my commitment to the environment, it wasn't enough. I had had enough, with my first baby in my arms, of spending a large part of my day moving objects around the house. I had a deep desire to stay connected to my values despite the challenges that come with becoming a parent. Between laundry, toys, dishes, sheets, paperwork, and other mundane clutter that fills our homes, I was tired of wasting my precious time, of realizing everything these objects represented in terms of money and time spent earning that money, then all the time spent collecting, organizing, cleaning, repairing, and classifying all these objects. And we were already living quite simply!

I wanted to carry less on my shoulders. I wanted to make room for this role I was slowly learning: being a parent. I wanted to take my time to do it, to understand what it meant to me.

So I plunged into a massive decluttering. Throughout this purification, everything gradually lightened. By deeply decluttering first the more harmless objects, then elements that were more difficult for me, the effects were felt in all spheres of my life. I realized how liberating it was to allow myself to say no, to let my intuition flow. We cannot hear our intuition in the chaotic whirlwind of everyday life.

I realized that not only did I not need all these objects to live fully, but that in reality we were much BETTER without all these irritants blocking our path to calm, adventure, and connection. Little by little, I realized that this approach helped protect my boys' childhood by offering them a less chaotic life.

I decided to live fully, to enjoy it, to feel good about our life choices. I decided to choose coherence, creativity, simplicity; not to crack under the pressure of modern parenthood, to thumb my nose at this modern chaos that destroys human relationships, that makes us crack under stress and exhaustion, that alters the precious childhood of our children and that destroys the planet, quite frankly. This high speed, this consumption greater than the belly, this material comfort rather than human, I make a conscious and intentional effort every day to say no to it. And I succeed, most of the time.

I chose calm instead of chaos.

I decluttered. I reduced. I rethought. I slowed down.

I do it every day. Because it's easy to forget why you're doing it. When you're tired or a little overwhelmed. It's slippery, sometimes.

Every day, I choose practical minimalism again. It allows me to celebrate life's imperfections in all their splendor; to celebrate the imperfection of things, to focus on what is truly important.

I'm not talking about the sweater that's really important to us compared to another. I'm talking about what matters: reducing stress, taking the time to create a family life we won't want to run away from, finding joy and pleasure in family life, and not letting ordinary stress invade our daily lives.

What confirms and amplifies this daily choice for me?

• The solid reduction of stress and mental load on parents (and a lot on mothers, let's not hide it)
• The joy we have as a family
• My children's overflowing creativity
• Their empathy, their natural collaboration; they are generally calmer, more composed, more attentive than when we slide into chaos. There are fewer tantrums, more natural sharing and problem-solving.
• It allows me to be a better human being. Not to become better than someone else, but simply to make space for the best in me, to understand myself, to heal myself, to progress.

When, in a moment of fragility, I doubt myself, when I wonder if we have enough money, if our house is big enough, if we're okay with our old car or if my children lack toys or clothes, I take a deep breath and I have my answer. We have more than enough. It's so easy to be distracted. I try to choose connection over distraction. I feel like I'm creating space in my children's minds and hearts for more curiosity, imagination, and wonder. It helps me stay aligned.

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