The perfect routine doesn't exist: flexibility vs. structure

Routine vs. Rigid Schedule: A Significant Difference

Before diving into the art of creating effective family routines, it's important to clarify a common confusion that often causes parents a lot of unnecessary stress: the difference between a routine and a rigid schedule.

While a routine simply represents a sequence of actions that follow a logical order, a more rigid schedule tends to dictate precisely when things should be done, regardless of the context and the reality of the moment. The problem with this second way of operating is that you quickly become a slave to your clock and an anxious guardian of ticking time, dragging your family into a permanent race against the clock. 

The Solution: A Flexible Routine 

To avoid falling into this trap, it is preferable to adopt flexible routines that respect the following points:

• The predictability of the sequence
• The consistency of the steps
• The logical link between actions
• The eventual achievement of a goal (getting ready for school, going to bed, leaving the house, etc.)

What Does This Look Like in Practice?

If you know that your morning routine typically takes about 45-60 minutes to complete, you need to set aside a time window (not a second-by-second timer!) for each step. So, if you need to leave for school at 8 AM, you should start the routine around 7-7:15 AM, knowing that some mornings will go more smoothly while others will be more chaotic!

The goal thus becomes to "complete the sequence before the scheduled departure time" rather than "each step must take exactly X minutes." This approach maintains a reassuring structure for children and promotes their autonomy, while also keeping a pleasant atmosphere for parents.

What Science Teaches Us About Routines

The Creation of Neural Highways

Every time a sequence of actions is repeated, the brain creates and reinforces specific neural connections, which, with repetition, become true highways within the brain, allowing information to flow quickly and effortlessly. While each step of a new routine initially requires a lot of attention, the entire routine can usually be accomplished almost without thinking after a few weeks of practice!

A Developing Brain

While children's prefrontal cortex is still developing (and continues to do so until their mid-twenties), adopting routines allows them to compensate for their difficulty in planning, organizing, and resisting distractions—functions that are still immature at a young age.

In addition to all these scientifically proven benefits, routines allow children to feel secure, helping them to orient themselves in time and anticipate what comes next. Obviously, adopting routines also promotes the development of autonomy, as well as a sense of responsibility and social skills.

The 80/20 Rule

Are you familiar with the famous Pareto principle, which states that 80% of results come from only 20% of efforts? Thus, when it comes to routines, it's better to set the goal at 80% success rather than expecting the child to perfectly complete each step of their routines. Even by aiming for a lesser goal, the child will internalize their routines and be able to perform them without reminders after a few weeks of practice. 

Les Belles Combines Methods

The Paper Method

To help children follow their daily routines more effectively, nothing beats using tools that provide a visual reference when they need it. For this purpose, using our routine charts paired with our magnetic pictograms, created in line with the child's age, represents a practical and fun option to encourage children to complete their routines independently. It's simple: once a step is completed, the child moves their magnet to the "Done" column and simply moves on to the next, until the chart is complete! 

The Digital Method

Do you prefer a digital option that offers more flexibility and travels wherever you go? Our Octave app allows you to create as many routines as you wish, thanks to our function that enables the creation of practical and personalized lists. Simply add the steps for the morning routine, after-school routine, bedtime routine, and all those critical moments of the day, and ask your child to check off each completed step until the routine is fully done!

The Diagnosis

Once you've implemented a routine system of your choice, take the time to evaluate at what step execution difficulties arise. Does your child take too long to eat breakfast? Do they still have trouble getting dressed? Do they always forget to empty their lunchbox after school? Take the time to find the reasons for the difficulties encountered and implement concrete solutions to address them, whether by providing more support to the child in completing the steps in question or by motivating them with positive reinforcement methods. 

Taking Action

If you haven't already, now is the time to choose the routine system that best suits your family's reality and implement it! Take the time to explain it to the whole family and give your children a few weeks to get used to it and develop their autonomy in carrying out their daily routines; don't forget to celebrate small victories!