Being a father today

What does it mean to be a father in Quebec in 2024? To try to answer the question, I spoke with three dads from extremely different family situations. It emerged that while fatherhood is experienced today in a variety of contexts, particularly within separated, blended or same-sex families, the experiences overlap.

Let's immediately forget the traditional image that we may have had of the father as the provider who is not very present for his children. Studies show that in recent decades, fathers have become increasingly involved in family life, at all levels . The sharing of tasks between parents is less and less gendered and, as such, even the parental leave provided by the Quebec Parental Insurance Plan is increasingly popular with fathers . This perfectly illustrates the commitment of modern fathers, including those who agreed to share with me their experience of fatherhood with all its challenges, beauty and great pride.

Dads present

From the moment their children are born, Quebec fathers are increasingly present. In 2021, they took an average of 10 weeks of QPIP benefits, which was a record high for the program! That said, some fathers take the entire parental leave, which was the case for Jean-François, 42, now the father of four boys and stepfather of two others. He took the entire parental leave in 2005 after the birth of his second child and says that it was incredibly enriching for him, allowing him to not miss any of his son's "first times." "You don't waste a single moment!" he exclaims. "The first steps, the first words... Things that can easily be missed when the child is in daycare."

Martin also had this experience in 2020 with his adopted daughter, whom he welcomed into his home through the DPJ's mixed bank when she was nine months old. For the first two months, he and his partner were both at home, then Martin stayed alone full-time with the little girl for another ten months. He remembers being completely gaga over this baby who was babbling, learning to eat solid food and managing to sit up. Moments that were as special as they were demanding. Towards the end of the year, having very little contact with adults, he felt socially isolated, as is often the case for parents on parental leave. The resources and activities offered at the Carrefour familial in his neighbourhood were beneficial to him. "It really saved me and it developed a network in my neighbourhood," he says. "I met other parents who had children the same age." It allowed me to talk with people who understood what I was going through.”

The challenges

Being so invested in your children is not without its challenges. While adaptation is constant for a parent of a young child, the teenage period also seems difficult for fathers , as Stéphane, who has been separated from his former partner for four years and has joint custody of his 13-year-old son, testifies. "What I find hard is maintaining a form of authority while seeing that he needs to be treated a little more like an adult," he says of his son. "It's a transition period: we're both redefining ourselves right now." If Stéphane finds it difficult to assume his role as an authority, he is far from being the only one.

According to the Institut de la statistique du Québec, 20% of Quebec parents find it difficult to manage supervision and discipline . That said, Stéphane is no less categorical: for him, "to love is to supervise."

In the area of ​​parental difficulties, fatigue is also mentioned, echoing data according to which 35% of Quebec parents are exhausted by the time dinnertime arrives. Jean-François, who had his first two children in his early twenties and the last two in their forties, also notes that his energy is no longer the same. “With my first two, when I came home from work, I could play a game of soccer. Now, I’ll pick up a book of Find and Seek. (…) And often, when I go to put the little one to sleep, I fall asleep with it.”

Beyond fatigue, how has fatherhood changed these involved men? For Martin, since his daughter has become his priority, it has forced him to set more limits at work. Jean-François says that becoming a father has calmed him down, given him balance and the feeling of being useful. Stéphane observes that fatherhood has made him more lucid and changed his view of himself. “A child is a mirror, in many ways. Your actions, what you are, ends up having an impact on him. It makes me think a lot. Especially what I transmit involuntarily.”

Legacy and pride

Transmission is without a doubt at the heart of the concerns of the three fathers we met. Passing on your values, your passions. Passing on the best of yourself to your child and witnessing what he or she becomes, that's what makes them proud. Martin is completely fascinated by his daughter who is growing up. "She is a happy, dynamic, curious child who asks questions... It doesn't come from the neighbor!" he says with emotion. "It comes from us. Our way of wanting to pass on something bears fruit. We plant seeds and the more it grows, the more it flowers. That's the greatest pride."

These dads are not only proud, they are loving and loved, and this unconditional love enriches their daily lives. Fatherhood, despite the challenges, is for them a source of great happiness, even in the smallest things. “When they see me,” says Jean-François about his children, “they come and jump into my arms. Just that moment, nothing beats that.”

According to these exchanges, the dads of 2024 are therefore present and invested. Passionate about their role. And I would even say touching.

https://statistique.quebec.ca/fr/produit/publication/portrait-parents-et-experience-parentale

https://statistique.quebec.ca/fr/document/etre-parent-au-quebec-2022/publication/portrait-parents-et-experience-parentale

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