Bullying at school: how to react and reassure your child

What could be more painful for a parent than feeling helpless in the face of their child's suffering? Being the target of teasing by peers in the schoolyard is common. Every child, at some point, has been the subject of mockery and bad jokes. However, some children seem to be chosen more often than their turn.

• What to say to your child? How to reassure them?

• How to help these targeted children get out of this situation?

• How to help your child maintain their confidence?

• How to teach them to react correctly and respectfully?

• What to tell them? How to reassure them?

As parents, we often search for words, while generally, children are looking for someone to listen. It is therefore important that we can offer them sincere and empathetic listening. Welcoming them in their emotional suffering without letting ourselves be overwhelmed by unpleasant emotions will be an opportunity for them to feel reassured. Show them that you trust in their ability to overcome this challenge. Avoid getting angry or feeling anxious, as this would only increase their feeling of helplessness and validate their distress.

Some children seem to be targeted more than others, or at least they are more affected. These children often lack self-confidence, which translates into difficulty asserting themselves, taking their place in a group, and a strong need to please and be recognized. They feel like they exist, are someone, and have value only when reflected in the eyes of others. They are therefore frequently seeking approval or signs of appreciation, which sometimes leads them to act inappropriately. It is therefore important to help these children develop their emotional autonomy by prioritizing confidence in their abilities.

You can do an exercise with your child that is generally enjoyed by little ones. Have them lie on their back on a large sheet of paper (or cardboard) large enough for you to draw the outline of their body. Afterwards, invite them to physically represent themselves as they see themselves by illustrating their hair, eyes, clothes, particular features, etc.

Then, turn the sheet over. Ask them to list their abilities: I can read. I often share my toys. I follow instructions. I am attentive to others...

Point out to them that their abilities are hidden behind the sheet, just as they are not necessarily apparent to those who look at them. Emphasize that, no matter what others say or do, these abilities are theirs and HE must be aware of them. If he forgets them, how should others remember them?

Display their self-portrait in a place accessible to them and practice having them list their abilities without looking behind the sheet so that they progressively internalize them more.

How to help them maintain their confidence?

By describing their efforts and actions and focusing more on their behaviors and abilities rather than on their person, they will perceive details to improve. This will prevent them from believing that their entire person is worthless, stupid, and hateful. Changing certain aspects of oneself is more accessible than changing one's entire person.

This focus also involves your relationship with them and the language you use to talk about them.

Avoid phrases like:

• "You are good."

• "You are strong."

• "How beautiful this drawing is!"

Have them talk about themselves in terms of abilities and not qualifiers:

• "Do you think you can do it?"

• "Could you lift that weight?"

• "What do you think of your drawing?"

Reinforce the positive perception of his abilities by highlighting specific points:

• "You can do this complex exercise."

• "It's heavy and you can lift it."

• "I see you put a lot of time and patience into this drawing."

How to teach him to react correctly and respectfully?

Identify with him his current way of reacting and make him understand the consequences of this reaction:

• When you cry, do your friends stop laughing or do they mock you more?

• When you shout at them to stop mocking you, do they stop or do they continue?

Draw up with him a list of more favorable and adequate reactions according to his objective:

• Self-assertion: telling the mocker that their comment is not appreciated.
• Using humor: practicing a funny retort that defuses mockery.
• Avoiding the occasion: forming a new circle of friends that better match his personality.

Identify resource people - refer to the teacher if he is a victim of bullying

Keep in mind that the more confident your child is in his abilities, the less he will be affected by the mockery of his schoolmates. It is therefore important to help him solidify his confidence through various means: developing a strong posture, taking martial arts classes, participating in group activities, giving him space to assert himself and make decisions, etc.

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