Tips and advice for taming your child's anger

08 February, 2018

If there is one emotion that can be impressive in its most vivid form, it is anger. We see children crying, shouting, hitting, biting; some go so far as to say shocking things when they don't throw valuables or destroy property. Why do they come to this? How to help them?

Back to basics

Emotion, as its etymology indicates, is a movement ( motion coming from movere ) which inhabits the individual and pushes him towards movement, action. The more intense the emotion, the more impressive the movement it entails. As adults, we have all acquired our own way of modulating this movement and we pass it on to our children.

The origin of anger

Anger manifests itself when we find that reality does not conform to our expectations or demands. All people who feel anger share a specific thought pattern: “This is not how it should be. »

express anger

We express anger in different ways depending on our upbringing and circumstances. For some, this movement driven by anger will push them to do anything to make things happen as they have decided, even going so far as threats and physical force. Others will simply take the hit and close their eyes. Finally, there are those who listen to the message sent by the emotion and who express their displeasure constructively. Obviously, we would all like our children to express their frustration in a thoughtful way when faced with such an emotion, but they still have to learn to tame this emotion and its intense sensations.

Taming the Wrath Beast

The anger beast can be tamed as long as we invest in it, but how many parents are afraid of this beast that lies dormant in their child? As soon as she wakes up a bit, some parents quickly try to scare her into returning to her den. " Stop immediately! That's enough, otherwise I'll send you to your room! "To tame it, it is important that the adult remains calm and confident to welcome his child struggling with the beast and to reflect to him that he is aware of its presence simply by saying to him: "I see that you are angry. »

Relieve tension

What you need to know is that the animal needs to stretch its legs and for that, as a parent, it is important to accompany, guide and direct your child so that he can evacuate the tension that inhabits it. We then speak of regulation strategies: creating a space where the animal can, in complete safety, deploy all its strength by tearing cardboard, doing “jumping jacks”, throwing balls at a wall, hitting a pillow or shouting into a shout box. Above all, you must not be afraid of what is being done or what is being said at this stage. Who hasn't, out of anger, said disturbing things just to let off steam?

Name the emotion

Once the tension has been evacuated, it will be useful for the child to be able to name the animal and call it by its nickname since anger is only the name of its species. More precisely, it is called irritation, annoyance, impatience, anger, fury or even rage.

Question the anger

This beast didn't wake up for nothing. There is something going against the child's expectations, desires or demands. At a certain moment, according to his vision of the situation, he thought that it should not happen like this. Questioning his vision will not only allow the child to understand himself better, but you will then be able to better understand his conception, his desires, his expectations and try to reframe them so that he is more in tune with reality.

Express differently

Once you are able to better understand your child's conception of what should be and see it more realistically, the intensity of the beast will be reduced. The beast being thus calmer, the time will be right for you to help your child so that he can find a more adequate and less brutal way of expressing his desires and expectations.

And you? When a situation is not going your way, do you tend to shout your disapproval, close your eyes and move on, or express your desires, expectations and needs in a calm and collected way? It's a safe bet that your coco manages her emotions in the same way. Also, it's even harder for him to stay calm and collected because his brain doesn't have the maturity to regulate itself. See anger as a wild beast to be tamed and ask your child to illustrate it to you to get to know it. What wakes her up? Why does she wake up? What helps him regain calm? Make him talk, you will be surprised!