Let's protect free play and childhood!

When my in-laws offered to pay for our oldest's piano lessons, we hesitated for a long time. We really wanted our children to learn music, but we were a little afraid of committing to a regular class schedule and thus losing our freedom (or what was left of it!). If Louis played the piano, would we let Laurier play hockey, and Simone do figure skating? To be honest, we had NO desire to enroll our children in a series of extracurricular activities and add extra tasks to our already very busy schedule. Faced with Louis' enthusiasm, we eventually accepted. However, we took the opportunity to implement a very strict family policy regarding enrollment in various extracurricular activities, with the goal of preserving that freedom, that precious free time that allows us to be together.

This policy is based on four criteria:

• The activity must take place during the week.
• Its frequency must not be more than once a week.
• The activity must take place in our town.
• Each child is only allowed one activity at a time.

In our often-timed schedule, we often end up stressed and tired. Insidiously, we find ourselves caught in a kind of parental excellence race and, let's face it, it's sometimes heavy to bear. By trying to be good parents, I feel like we sometimes do too much! By trying too hard to do well, we end up doing too much, and all things considered, we overlook the small moments of availability for our children: those small moments of freedom, far from stress, which are wonderful excuses for tenderness, creativity, and spontaneity. Those lazy Saturday mornings spent being bored until noon, and finally deciding to go for a walk to the park, stopping by the grocery store for some fruit and snacks to eat on the grass. Those moments when our children will yell "Look, Mom!" 14 times, when we will lift our eyes from our book for a few seconds to tell them "Bravo!" before plunging back into our reading. Those moments that make our children feel free! Because this feeling of freedom is, in my opinion, characteristic of childhood. It will leave them far too quickly with the arrival of new responsibilities, so let's preserve it for a few years.

Élisabeth Simard from the blog Ruban Cassette (which I absolutely love!), in her book "Vivre simplement" (Living Simply), put into beautiful words something that guides all my reflections: a kind of mantra, which guides most of the decisions I make daily. She formulates it like this: "I always keep in mind the reasons why I do this: to be a calmer, more composed, more present mother." It is to be this calmer, more composed, and present mother that I have implemented this policy for enrolling in extracurricular activities. I know myself, when obligations are coming out of my ears because my mental load is so great and my brain is overheating under the weight of everything I have to think about, I am not really available for my children. I am no longer that lighthearted, giggling mother who teases them; I am no longer that lover who remembers to pay small attentions to her partner; I become the stressed mother who pushes her child for fear of being late, who feels that no one in the house does enough, who lacks tolerance for noise and arguments, in short, who stresses everyone out!

When I take the time to live these moments of freedom without trying to do more, when I let go of certain parental demands to live freely and be with my children, the whole house changes pace. To create, play, dream, tell stories, be bored freely without "external direction," without wanting to "fill the void," as Eve Hermann says in her book Grandir Autrement (Growing Up Differently). Let's not forget that free play is important, a rich source of learning for our children. Play is not futile; quite the opposite. Through free play, children move a lot and meet their needs for physical activity.

If you want your children to play sports, leave balls, sports equipment, jump ropes, bikes, and scooters within their reach. Let them climb trees, jump over patio chairs, climb on a picnic table, create an obstacle course with logs. If you are keen to develop their self-esteem and sportsmanship, play with them, don't always let them win, acknowledge their victories. For my part, I am certain that if my children are so collaborative, it is partly due to the availability I have for them. It is because of this freedom I give them, the spontaneity I have developed thanks to the empty spaces on our family planner. It's because I have the time and leisure to listen to their "Look, Mom!" or their "Mom, come see!" It's because I have time (and patience) to get out the paint and brushes on Sunday mornings to do artistic creations with them. It's because I'm not afraid to throw a few baseballs with them (even if I'm terrible! haha!). When I ask them to participate, they are much more collaborative; they realize very well that we, their parents, participate in their games, and that makes them want to return the favor. I believe that's what we call family spirit.

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