10 Principles for Becoming a Discipline Pro

Use positive reinforcement

Praising children for their good behavior is extremely effective. Today's children seem immune to consequences, as if they've been vaccinated against feeling their effects! That said, praise and rewards in all their forms (kind words, privileges, small items, etc.) have a much greater impact on their behavior. So focus on what you want them to do rather than what you want to avoid, reward good deeds (discover the General Store, our ready-to-use motivation and positive reinforcement system!), and, when possible, ignore the less good ones.

Change "no" to "yes"

It's crazy how many "no's" we utter when we become parents. Inevitably, it ends up irritating our children. That's why I particularly appreciate the idea that behind every "no" hides a "yes." For example, when your child asks if you can play with Legos with them, instead of saying "No, I don't have time!", say "Yes, as soon as we finish dinner and clean up the kitchen!" Or, when your child asks for a toy in the store, instead of saying "No, we don't need that toy, we have enough!", tell them "Yes, that's a cool toy, we'll add it to the list of things you'd like to receive for your birthday!"

Use humor

What a powerful ally for parents! Develop your sense of humor and you'll quickly get your children's cooperation. For example, give your child three choices, two realistic and one funny: "Louis, either you put away your toys now with my help, or you put them away later by yourself, or I'll call the big Goulou-goulou toy-eater who will come and eat them all. He's always hungry for a puzzle or a box of Playmobil, that one!" Personifying objects is also a very good way to get the cooperation of little ones. Why not use an agonizing voice, pretending to be a wilting plant begging for water? "Oh me, I'm dying, I'm shriveling up, could someone kind please give me some water, I beg you!" Don't hesitate to also run after your youngest child in the house, making the toothbrush and toothpaste tube talk: "Oh dear, you little rascal, your mouth smells so bad, come here so I can clean those dirty little teeth!"

*I must say I really censored myself in this part to please everyone! But please, let loose and make your kids laugh!

Lighten your schedule and declutter the house

This might seem like strange advice, but believe me, it's genuine. Fewer toys in the house also means less distraction. Your children's attention span is limited, and reducing the number of activities will allow them to be calmer and more attentive. The same reasoning applies to extracurricular activities and screen time.

To declutter your home effectively, discover our One Room Per Month Challenges to download right here!

Practice prevention

Prevention is certainly the best solution for all discipline problems! Remember this: any problems you can prevent are problems you won't have to solve. Before going out with your children, take a few minutes to discuss and clearly state your expectations. The three minutes spent in the car before entering the grocery store will be beneficial. Remind them of the rules (walk, speak softly, we only buy what's on the list and the cart is not a play structure to climb on) and decide right away who will push the grocery cart. Also, in the interest of prevention, make sure to recall problematic situations, those that make your child lose control. For example, if they hate losing a game, before starting a game, ask them if they will be able to be happy for the winner, tell them you will be very proud of them if they succeed. The same applies if your child tends to throw a tantrum when you leave a place. Take a few minutes to warn them that soon you will be leaving and that you expect them to be able to manage their disappointment.

Don't offer alternatives when setting limits

We all tend to threaten our children when they behave unacceptably. For example, I often told my children: "If you talk to your brother like that, you'll go to your room!" By offering this kind of choice to our children, what we're actually telling them is, "If you don't mind going to your room, you can talk to your brother however you want!" Our child (no less intelligent than anyone else) will then evaluate their options and ask themselves: "Is it worth spending 30 minutes in my room to be able to talk to my brother this way?"

Take action

Decide on loss of privileges for bad behavior and, most importantly, take action as soon as the limit is crossed. Favor logical consequences whenever possible. For example, if one of your children deliberately annoys their little sister, send them to their room, telling them that, since their behavior is ruining the atmosphere in the house and everyone is suffering, it would be better this way, or tell them that their behavior makes you suspect they are tired, so it would be better for them to go to bed earlier tonight.

Read our blog post on applying logical consequences!

Never mind the rest, you can't control everything

Heard at the library recently: "Don't play with the rug like that, don't put your hands in your mouth, don't sit on the floor, it's dirty, don't pull your sister's sweater, stop tapping your foot like that, don't hold the book by the cover, you'll break it, watch out for people, don't speak so loudly." It's hard for a child to follow 20 instructions in the same minute, and especially to determine which ones are truly important. It's better to have two well-respected instructions than 20 unabsorbed ones. Choose what's most important, let the rest go, you'll come back to it later. Moreover, before arriving at the library, mention: "We're going to the library, it's important not to speak loudly and to take good care of the books. It's a quiet place and we need to be respectful. Can I count on you?"

Make the next step appealing

For some time now, my three-year-old daughter has refused to do what she's asked, firmly opposing it. Recently, she argued about putting away her shoes when entering the house, claiming she couldn't. Not wanting to give in, I immediately pulled out the "I'll count to three, and if you don't do it, you'll have to spend five minutes in your room." An incredible tantrum followed. The next time, I did things differently. I instead told her, "Come on, Marie, you put away your shoes and then we'll prepare a snack together." Magic! She complied and ran to the kitchen. It's not always easy, but with a little imagination, you'll get there.

There is no good discipline without commitment

Yes, disciplining your children requires time, patience, consistency, and above all, constancy. To help your children become independent, you'll need to put in the energy and all your creativity. Arguments between children always happen when you're in the middle of a captivating read or an interesting TV show, but it's our duty to stop and help our children resolve their conflicts. It's such a beautiful responsibility and the most rewarding thing in the world, even if it's often frustrating!

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